Blow-up dolls and boyfriend-shaped body pillows may make you feel a little less lonely, but they can’t give you a massage – unlike this multifunctional bed that performs so many functions, you half-expect it to cook you breakfast in the morning. Sold by a variety of Asian retailers for roughly $600 USD, including SG Shop and English TaoBao, this slightly bonkers piece of furniture incorporates virtually everything you can imagine (reasonably) wanting to be built right into your bed, from USB chargers, speakers, power outlets and a pop-out laptop table to an actual built-in massage chair with multiple settings.

Lift up the mattress to find plenty of storage underneath for extra bedding and ubiquitous pillows. There’s also hidden storage in the bench at the foot of the bed, and shelves all along both sides. Optional features include leather upholstery instead of the default fabric, which comes in a multitude of colors, and even a freaking safe to hold your valuables.

If there’s one glaringly obvious feature this bed doesn’t have to offer, it’s a mattress long enough for the average American. The small size measures just 4’11” while the large size adds a foot. So if you’re larger of stature, this bed might not be for you – at least, not to sleep in. It would still make a pretty cool living room lounger. If you were designing your own all-in-one dream bed, what would you add? A mini fridge? A built-in coffee maker?

h/t My Modern Met