In ordinary circumstances, it would be fair to say that your paranoia levels are off the charts if you really think a nearby lamp is spying on you. But that might not be an accurate assessment anymore now that surveillance devices can be placed virtually anywhere – especially with the arrival of the Conversnitch. This cheap device looks like an ordinary light bulb, but it records the conversations of oblivious strangers and posts them on Twitter.

Artists Kyle McDonald and Brian House built the device for a mere $100 using Raspberry Pi and a microphone to record audio. It works anywhere with access to wifi. The text translation isn’t instantaneous, however; rather than using a talk-to-text translator, the artists pay to have the audio transcribed through Amazon’s Mechanical Turk crowdsourcing platform. McDonalds, libraries, public parks, cafes – no place is safe.

Most of the overheard conversations are predictably banal. Snippets from the Conversnitch Twitter account include things like “I had the best dream this morning! It was about Eddie Vedder and we were swimming in a pool and in love.” “Did you eat any of my tater tots while I was gone? It sure looks like you did ’cause I couldn’t have eaten that many.”

The creators acknowledge that a device like this could be used for illegal purposes, and infringe upon privacy rights and expectations. They aim to stimulate conversation about how surveillance devices can disrupt what we believe should be private moments. But given that they provide full instructions to build your own cheap surveillance lamp, they’re making it disturbingly easy to disseminate devices that do just that.

From the wannabe James Bond next door to agents of the CIA and other shadowy government entities, spies of all caliber have a wealth of incredibly stealthy technology to help them listen in on conversations, take covert video, scan faces in crowds, snatch a suspect’s DNA and destroy their own data when compromised. These 11 crazy spy gadgets, from low-tech DIY projects to top-secret experiments, will have you feeling paranoid that somebody – or something – is watching you.

Robotic Roaches

(image via: engadget, popsci)

As if roaches, beetles and other creepy-crawlies weren’t already unwelcome in your home, you’ll be even warier of them as they gain disturbing spy capabilities thanks to the latest in cyborg tech. In 2006, Tokyo University researchers created an army of zombie cockroaches that can be directed by remote control; scientists are now taking their work one step further by using the cockroaches’ bodily functions to power the CPUs and radio components of spy devices.  Researchers have also been able to create remote-controlled cyborg beetles by attaching computer chips to the brains of the insects, equipping them with cameras and other devices.

Face-Scanning Sunglasses

(images via: blue moon in her eyes)

Crowds at the 2014 World Cup in Brazil will be subjected to face-scanning software hidden in the sunglasses of police. The new technology, which consists of a small camera fitted to the glasses, can capture 400 facial images per second and transmit them to a central computer database, which can store up to 13 million faces. Working at a distance of up to 50 meters (164 feet), the devices will help law enforcement identify those involved in brawls and other illegal activity.

Double Duty Pen and Weapon

(images via: benchmade.com, coolest gadgets)

Why carry around an ordinary pen when you could have one that could save your life, or even capture DNA from an attacker? The Benchmark 1100 Pen by Benchmade has a kubotan-style pointed weapon made of either anodized aluminum or stainless steel hidden within its body, while the Uzi tactical pen hides a ‘DNA Catcher’ in its crown, which not only injures attackers but takes a sample of their blood. Both pens also function as glass breakers.

Spy Kite with Digital Camera

(images via: ohgizmo)

Curious about your neighbor’s land, or just want to snap some aerial photographs for more innocuous reasons? The Spy Kite by Eolo mounts a cheap digital camera to a kite with about 82 feet of string, taking photos via wireless remote. Low-tech and low-cost, the kite is not exactly CIA-worthy, but might make you think twice about any wayward kites you see hanging over your home.

Peephole Reverser

(images via: spygadgets.com)

We install peepholes in our doors to protect ourselves, allowing us to identify anyone at the door before we open it to them. But those same peepholes can easily be used against us. A simple gadget called a peephole reverser, also known as a tactical door viewer, was developed by law enforcement, giving them a look at activity inside a dwelling without alerting anyone inside.

Laser Microphone

(images via: lucid science)

It’s all too easy to listen to someone’s conversation using little more than a laser beam. Laser microphones use a laser beam to measure the vibration of sounds on a surface, usually glass windows, transmitting those sounds back to the listener’s receiver. DIY instructions abound on the internet, including this tutorial by Lucid Science.

Spy Flies

(image via: washington post)

Robotic-looking dragonflies and other insects have been spotted at political events and protests in Washington and New York, hovering over antiwar rallies. While no government agency admitted to deploying the robots, the technology has been in the works for decades and some entities have admitted that they’re currently trying to perfect it. Because replicating the flying motions of a live insect tends to be inefficient, researchers may soon turn to flying cyborg insects like the beetles and roaches instead.

Micro-Cameras Based on Maple Seeds

(image via: cnet)

Is that a maple seed spinning down toward the ground – or a covert micro-camera designed by Lockheed Martin? The defense contractor is developing a tiny camera based on the seed, which will have two tiny jet boosters to help steer it and keep it in the air. Lockheed plans to disperse them over war zones to monitor conditions, find survivors in disaster areas and even detect chemical and biological weapons.

Pen-Sized Document Scanner

(image via: pcmag)

Need to scan a document on the sly, as quickly as possible? The Docupen by Planon is hardly bigger than a regular writing instrument, but pass it over a sheet of paper or a photograph and it will capture and store the documents, ready to be uploaded via USB or Bluetooth to any computer.

Wireless Camera Disguised as a Screw

(image via: spygearco.com)

It’s hard not to be paranoid about amazingly tiny hidden cameras when they’re as stealthy as this. A tiny wireless camera is hidden in the head of a screw, transmitting live video to your television or recording it on a VCR. All it needs to operate is a single 9 volt battery.  These cameras are inexpensive and widely available.

Self-Destructiong RAM

(image via: engadget)

The last thing a spy wants is to have his or her own data stolen. Going beyond encryption and biometrics, a new form of magnetoresistive RAM will render data unusable if the chip is compromised. Philips is currently developing the technology, which wraps the chips in two layers of soft magnetic foil, one of which is magnetized. The other layer acts as a “keeper” by gathering flux from a permanent magnet and maintaining a closed loop around the data. If a thief rips open the foil, the magnets erase the data.

Do you have someone for whom you need a present but would classify as naughty and not nice? Do they have a desire for gadgets to make them feel like James Bond? There are spy gadgets designed to go undetected, products that were once considered science fiction, but can be purchased without needing to be a part of an elite secret service or military branch. Some of these spy gadgets barely squeak by as legal. So if you have a spy or spyette on your shopping list, perhaps one of these 15 hi-tech spy gadgets would be perfect for them. Oh wait . . . as the list goes down, they get creepy enough to almost induce full blown paranoia. Maybe these spy gadgets would be the perfect creepy gifts for stalkers?

Lasers

(image credits: Wicked Lasers,Wicked Lasers)

These are not toy lasers to play with indoors for your cat to chase around for your amusement. Wicked Lasers puts out two lasers straight out of some James Bond flick. On the left is the Elite Pro which has ridiculous burning power in such a tiny package. The military swears by it, using these tightly focused green beams like long distance matches for burning and melting. On the right is the Photonic Disruptor tactical laser. It was featured on Discovery Channel’s “Future Weapons”. Point the non-lethal versatile focused or unfocused beam towards potential threats at a distance and it will temporarily overwhelm a threat’s visual sense without causing permanent eye damage.

Bluetooth Spy

(image credits: esih,Brickhouse Security,Brickhouse Security)

Micro spy earphones like the upper left have been in circulation, but Brickhouse Security brings it to a new level. The invisible spy Micro Bluetooth headset goes deep into the ear and is so low that it cannot be seen. Although it requires no batteries, it would take a super-strong magnet to pull it from your ear canal. That takes care of sound spying but Brickhouse has another Bluetooth spy gadget to be your secret ear and eye in the sky. This average looking and fully functional Bluetooth headset is so much more with a pinhole camera hidden deep within. No one will suspect that your Bluetooth headset is actually capturing covert video surveillance with audio.

Lighter Spy

(image credits: Ajoka,ePathChina,varologic)

Lighters can be used to conduct secret video surveillance or are ideal for any covert operation where gathering evidence is important for you. Besides using these lighters for their obvious purpose of fire, you can leave it in your home or office to record everything that is happening while you are gone. Are you not the type to carry a refillable lighter but a disposable cheapo? These spy lighters come in all shapes, colors and sizes.

80,000 Volt Electric Briefcase

(image credits: Eurospy Shop,Ajoka)

If you are carrying around documents that cannot fall into enemy hands, or money or jewelry or anything vital to keep safe, then there are normal looking briefcases that can help you keep your valuables safe. Although they come in differing colors, all come with a remote control so you can shock the living daylights out of the thief. You can activate the screaming alarm by simply pushing a button on the remote control, but when you push a second button you will activate the electric shock alarm. Then the person who stole your suitcase will let go immediately! Nobody will be able to grab or take the suitcase without having the snot shocked out of them.

Cell Phone Spy

(image credits: Brickhouse Security, Eurospy Shop)

No matter what reason you come up with to need these cell phone spying devices, we are moving much closer into the realm of creepy stalker. The SIM card spy makes it possible to read deleted text messages and private data from any SIM card. Not enough James Bond for you? The bottom image is the world’s smallest, fully integrated GSM Listening Device. With an unlimited range, you can call from any phone and listen immediately to a conversation from anywhere in the world.

Tiniest Spy Cameras

(image credits: Spy Gadgets)

Micro cameras are getting smaller every day. The top right is the world’s smallest cam, a pinhole size CMOS camera which you can see size-wise sitting upon a dime. For another dimension of creepy spying, there are cameras in screw heads. There are also all various sizes of button cams.

Keylogger – Computer Spying

(image credits: Eurospy Shop, The Spy Store)

Yes, there are hundreds of software keylogger options. Anti-spyware vs. spyware, sooner or later most software keyloggers will be detected. For the ultimate in creepy computer spying, this keylogger plugs in and records all keystrokes. It uses no system resources and runs in the background. It stores everything typed on the keyboard and will suffer no data loss when unplugged. If this is for relationship spying, perhaps it’s time to seek counseling or get out. Believe it or not, it can get worse.

GPS Lingerie

(image credits: Gizmodo)

“Find Me If You Can” is the name of this lingerie with a pager-sized GPS device sewn into a bodice. For starters, unless you have some kinky thrills from it . . . run ladies if you find a GPS in your lingerie. Take it out first or else you can be tracked. In fact, if you don’t want to pull a Dirty Harry and point your gun at him to tell him to back off or make your day, then maybe you need your own covert spy/weapon gadgets like below.

For Ladies

(image credits: Made in China, Made in China Weapon Masters,Saftey Central)

Lipstick comes in all colors, glosses and now weaponry. Lipstick can be camouflaged as a stun gun, 350,000 volts worth of shock power if you need it for spying or for protection. The top left “lipstick” comes with a two-in-one function: Stun gun and LED Light. The top right “lipstick” packs 2 million volts! On the bottom left, these lipticks are actually knifes. If shanking someone is not to your liking, nor shocking someone senseless, then maybe wearing the ring would work for you. It’s not just jewelry as when you squeeze it, pepper spray squirts out from next to the stone. Whether you are a spy, want to feel a bit safe, or have some stalker putting GPS tracking in your lingerie, there are enough choices out there to suit most anyone.