Life’s stressful enough without our stress relief balls freaking us out yet the more we squeeze these creepy stress aids, the more anxious we get.

Caomaru means “round face” in Japanese, and these pliable polyurethane resin stress relief balls come in four different molded expressions. If you’ve ever wanted to go full Kids In The Hall’s “Head Crusher” (or “Face Pincher” if you prefer) with an actual crushable/pinchable head/face, Caomaru is the stress relief ball for you!

Caomaru comes in a variety of pastel hues including black and beige (for you equal-opportunity haters), and they clean up easily with a little soap and water. You’ll never scrub the stains off your soul, however.

The Terrible Horriball

They say conquering anxiety is all about facing one’s fears… said whomever thought up the Horriball. “When your victim gives this seemingly innocent stress ball a squeeze,” according to The Greenhead, “clear bubbles filled with flies, rats, worms, or cockroaches covered in a bloody-looking liquid pop out of the holes!” Yeah, we’ll just keep our anxiety and leave now, mmkay?

Weakened At Bernie’s

Aww, isn’t that cute, DC Universe character Harley Quinn has a cuddly taxidermied and possibly zombified beaver named Bernie who speaks only to her… don’t you want one too? You might change your mind after getting up close & personal with the sticky icky Bernie “action figure”, part of the Designer Series from DC Collectibles.

This Bernie figure doesn’t talk but he does have one distinct talent, if you can call it that: when squeezed, a bloated bubble of guts bulges out from his mangled midriff. Relax your now-trembling fingers and the freaky fistula retreats back inside Bernie’s belly. Rinse, repeat, see a psychologist.

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Squeeze Play 9 Weird Bizarre Stress Relief Balls

It’s well known that smashing something – a dish, a TV, a watermelon, or whatever else is within reach – is great therapy when you’re stressed. All over the world, clubs and organizations are popping up for the sole purpose of bringing frustrated people together to smash stuff. But there is nothing else quite like The Destruction Company, an exclusive private club in New Jersey that allows wealthy people to whack the stuffing out of just about anything.

(all images via: Daily Mail)

The Destruction Company is not your run-of-the-mill plate-smashing operation. It’s an exclusive club based in a secret New Jersey warehouse that is open only to the most wealthy clients. The club allows its members to seek revenge on the objects they most despise: technology, automobiles, or maybe those dumb little knick-knacks your ex-wife was always fussing over.

For a confidential annual fee (plus the cost of whatever the member decides to wail on) rich folks can destroy expensive electronics, cars, clothing – as long as it’s not a living creature or documents of any kind, The Destruction Company will acquire the target object. Less imaginative members can pick from a pre-set list of smashable items. On the day of the smash-fest, a chauffeured car comes around to pick up the club member and take him to a private warehouse. He can choose from a number of protective outfits – umpire, hockey goalie, medieval knight – and weapons – we imagine samurai swords are a popular option.

The party then moves to the roof of the abandoned warehouse, where the club member is free to go nuts on the chosen object. Cameras capture the destruction and members are sent home with video records of their exploits so they can re-live their moments of glory at home. As in any good human vs. object fight club, there are a few restrictions: no fire, no guns, no drinking or drugs on the day of the smash-up. But don’t think you can fight your way into this club; membership is only granted with sponsorship from an existing member. And this is no boys’ club – club representatives say that around 40 percent of their members are females. Even ladies need to let their inner Hulk out once in a while.

Although some may see this blatant wastefulness as a crime against humanity (or maybe a boon for the economy), it would seem to be a better use of disposable income than nightclubs and sushi. According to the club’s administrators, The Destruction Company isn’t about violence; it’s about experiencing freedom from the objects that vex you the most.